Trip and eat Grass

     Note: This is a monologue

    Hey guys, so I know that being a carnivore is in the job description for us lions, but I’m kind of tired of it. All we do is hunt down gazelles and eat the same thing over and over again. Do we even think about that gazelle’s family, I mean, I’m sure every time we kill one the family is waiting for their dad, mom, brother, sister, or nonbinary sibling to come home, but they won’t come home. What if that gazelle was the only source of food for their family. How would you feel if you were suddenly attacked when you were just trying to provide for your family. It’s not fair and it needs to stop. Have you even thought about what diseases that gazelle might have? Grass won’t give you diseases. Just look at Micha over there, he had one bad leg of a gazelle this morning and he’s already dead, and before you say anything, no the fact that he was 25 years old when us lions only live for 10 to 14 years has NOTHING to do with his death. Also, have you ever tasted grass before? It is so bland, but boy does it taste so much better than gazelle. And Bill I know you’re gonna come for me and try to talk about how lions don’t have cellulase so we can’t get enough calories to sustain our bodies without having the runs for the rest of our lives, but I don’t care, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make in order to not eat my friends. And Bethany don’t even think about coming for me about being a bad influence on the lion cubs that need the meat to grow strong, there’s a process called natural selection, and ,honey, I’m sure your cubs will be the first to go with your bad parenting. Also Paul, look at his face, does this baby gazelle look yummy to you, you MURDERER!!  I also don’t want to hear anything from anyone about how us eating the gazelles keeps the population in check and without it the ecosystem could possibly crumble, because news flash, I don’t care. Gazelles are friends, not food. I swear to God, Jason, if you don’t set him down right now I’ll eat you right here, right now! So, I guess what that whole spiel was about is that I’m going vegan and no one can stop me.