Happyn't - Daily Poem 4

Happyn’t

the smile hides my pain

my jokes hide my sadness

this font hides my feelings

happiness is now foreign

worry and anguish now rule

i feel them everyday

as if it’s on repeat

i joke not to have others laugh

but for myself to feel joy

i smile not to brighten others up

but to brighten myself up

i can do nothing

it will stay with me

forever

the knife inside my mind

has a sharp blade

one touch

and you’ll never touch it again

that may be my cowardice speaking

but does it really matter

when everything will be gone

i lie to myself

that it will be a good day

i could never get up without the lies

i sleep to forget my worries

maybe make myself feel rejuvenated

the worries come with me though

giving me nightmares about my follies

nothing changes about me

my face is only one expression

my world never changes

the only change is that

there is only me knowing this